Define "chronic" masturbator.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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