We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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