He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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