I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
