i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
