so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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