Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
