So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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