I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Welp...herpes.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
