We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
