I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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