Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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