She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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