I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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