Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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