Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
