Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
