idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
