dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's never too late to be topless.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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