Having a random hookup so left but love u
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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