how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
