Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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