this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
