i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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