We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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