I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
