wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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