Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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