if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
