if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
