its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
