Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize