I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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