Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
