pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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