if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
