Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
