it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
