a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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