I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
