its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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