Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize