I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
