You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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