hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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