Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
