I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
