just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
