The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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