I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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