am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
