I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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