Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
