someone threw a dead crab at me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
