I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
