So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
