i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
