he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
