When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
