So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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