one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We left the knife in your bed.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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