I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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