I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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