Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
