My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
