i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
