i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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