So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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